[ Read this post if… you feel like a loser / failure / lazy / useless / depressed / lost ]
Life is full of ups and downs.
The “ups” are great, the “downs” leave us broken, and last a very long time, leaving us with terrible consequences.
I’ve been in “down” situation and this is what happened…
I was completely lost. I had no purpose. I felt like a loser. I got fat. I lost my job. I was broke. I was in debt because of a bad business ventures. I got lazy. I had no ambition. I didn’t do much. I slept till noon every day. I felt depressed.
I didn’t know what to do. I kind-of wanted things to change…
it was more of a wish than a hard desire.
I had accepted that situation.
Suicide was not an option, because I believe suicide is stupid.
No matter how much I wanted things to change…
nothing changed because I expected things to magically change.
Friends and family felt sorry for me.
Their pity didn’t make me feel any better.
I felt worthless.
I will share my story in the next post, this post is about you and what to do when you are still in this position, because
what to do NOW is critical.
After overcoming my “depression” I analyzed my situation. I also observed others’ lives have been in the same situation to look for similarities to find out why people are not able to get out of the hole.
Even though everyone had different triggers (people, situations that got them sad/depressed), all had one thing in common.
Everyone expected either others to solve their problems or the problem to magically fix itself without their initiative.
Let’s talk about you.
If you are feeling worthless or depressed or lost,
You don’t need to change a thing!
Let things be as they are.
It’s not time yet.
When the time is right you will motivate yourself and do what needs to be done. You already know what you have to do.
Change will magically happen and it will happen fast.
Stop forcing yourself. Stop trying. This situation is only temporary. There’s nothing wrong to be in this situation.
People will be mean to you.
They will pity you.
They will say nasty things to you.
If you don’t care to change, don’t change.
If you are not willing to be uncomfortable and challenge yourself, don’t change.
Stay in this situation until you are sick of feeling like this.
Dig deeper to figure out why you feel like this.
You already know you can’t change people.
You already know you can’t control outside circumstances (like losing a job or death of a family member).
You can only change one thing…
you can only change how you think. That’s the only thing you have full control over.
Don’t expect things to change on their own. They won’t, unless it’s a miracle.
Don’t expect people to change and treat you different. They won’t, unless someone forces them to do so.
Here’s what you can do, until you become mentally stronger:
If possible, get away from toxic people and toxic environment, even if they are family. Your life becomes more miserable when you try to control things or people (when you want them to change).
People don’t change because their priority is their ego and their interests – NOT you.
You come second.
Yes BOSS. You come second (unless, of course, you are a crying baby. Since you are ready things, you are not a baby, even though you are crying).
Stop fighting this battle. Distance yourself so that you can focus on yourself. Yes YOU – our main priority.
Only then you will have a clear mind to think about what to do. And then you will be motivate yourself.
No matter what you do…
please, for Pete’s sake, don’t ask:
“Why did this happen to me!”
It’s not important why it happened.
Would you rather find out why bad things happened or would you fix the situation?
You need to focus on what are you doing about it or what you can do about it.
Think about solutions. Think of all the options you have.
And no, Suicide is not a solution! Bad Doggy!
People who harm you will not feel bad if you killed yourself. Imagine surviving a suicide with broken bones, life would suck even more. Ouch.
When people are making your life miserable, it takes time to get respect from them and to be treated fairly.
It’s a hard process. I coach my students to get out of these situations. It takes constant push from me, they go through failures, and they have to struggle to change their habits before positive shift happens. I use human behavioral psychology, persuasion, logic, and controlled experimentation to create change.
Then what should you do now?
Admit the reality that things are bad. You don’t have to like them.
Example: Trump is president, we hate it, but it’s the reality. We have to accept the reality that he is president. We don’t have to like that reality.
Also accept the reality that you are not doing anything about it.
Own it. You don’t need to justify your life decisions to others.
Admit that you are comfortable and don’t want things to change yet.
Be honest about it.
Let go of the guilt.
Stop fooling yourself. Stop lying to yourself.
Stop expecting pity from people.
When you really want things to change, you WILL take action. Example: when you are hungry and there’s nobody to feed you, what do you do? Complaining on Facebook or Twitter about your hunger isn’t going to make your hunger go away. You have to get up and feed yourself, or starve and keep whining.
Life is more complicated than that, but the concept is still the same.
When you are ready, you will do what needs to be done to make the shift.
take responsibility for not doing anything because there will be consequences (sometimes negative) of staying in this state and not changing things.
When things are bad in future because of not taking action…
don’t blame others, take responsibility for the misery because it’s selfinflicted. Own it.
Until you decide to change…
let things be, stay in this situation. It’s OK to continue feeling this way and not do anything as long as you are not bothered.
People say “Life is like a box of chocolate, you don’t know what you are going to get.”
NO! Bad Doggy!
This is how I see life: “Life is like a box of chocolate. You can pick the one you want. (If you don’t you starve, haha).”
When time is right you will change things. You already know what you have to do.
Always remember: you are in control of your mind, your life and your destiny.
Make the right choices.